Being a parent is a 24/7, every minute of every day, all consuming job. That's just the reality of being a parent. You can't turn off the part of your brain that worries and plans and thinks about your child. If you're religious, God created us that way. If you're not, our brains have evolved to keep our kiddos alive. No matter how we got here, here we are.
And it's exhausting. Capital E exhausting some days. Add more than one kiddo, or a kiddo with a strange death wish who climbs on the counters and refrigerator and into the washing machine, and you have even more to worry about! It is so incredibly easy to get lost in worrying about everyone else that you don't stop to worry about yourself. And then comes the burn out. Believe me, I've been there!
As a single mom to a special needs child, there were times when I completely forgot about me and my needs. In fact, I didn't stop to ask for help until my daughter was FIVE. Every minute of every day for 5 years, I was mom. "Mom" this and "mom" that and I forgot that I was Meghan too. So I asked my parents to watch A for a long weekend and I packed up the car and drove away. And you know what? I cried half of the way from here to my best friend's house. I hadn't been away from her for a night, let alone 4 days! But those days taught me something SO important. I need to make sure I am okay. I am a better mom when Mehgan is okay.
Some really smart people over at the Arbinger Institute think the same thing. They came up with this awesome diagram called the Parenting Pyramid.
You see that big section at the bottom? That's YOU. How YOU are. Who YOU are. The biggest section of this pyramid isn't about your children at all! It's about you and how you are being. Your Personal Way of Being.
In an article published by the Arbinger Institute, they talked about what to do when you're having trouble in one of the areas of the pyramid. They said "An important hint about parenthood follows from this discussion. It is this: The solution to a problem in one part of the pyramid lies below that part of the pyramid." In other words, if you're struggling with teaching your children, you probably need to look at your relationship with them. BUT, here's the kicker, if you are struggling with your Personal Way of Being, you will struggle all the way up the pyramid. Who you are and your needs have to be taken care of first. Let me repeat this: Your needs HAVE to be taken care of first if you want to succeed as a parent.
So I encourage you to take a step back and ask yourself the basic questions.
-Am I living only on caffeine and the occasional granola bar I found in my kid's diaper bag, or have I eaten a nutritious, full meal today?
-Did I get enough sleep or am I a zombie living on Diet Mt. Dew and a prayer?
-Have I connected to my higher power or my own intuition today (if that's your thing)?
-Have I taken a shower, like a washed my hair, shaved my pits shower recently?
-When was the last time I took time for myself?
If the answer to any of these was a begrudging "I guess not...", it's time to schedule time for yourself, friend. Believe me, I have been there. I have had times where I answered "I guess not..." to every single one of these things. I have felt what you are feeling. There was one time that I literally paid $200 to sit in my therapist's office and take a nap! I get it. All too well.
But taking 15 minutes to really shower, or 10 minutes to deep dive into my relationship with my higher power or meditate, or paint, or do something I love doing can honestly make all the difference.
So, today's motto is (repeat after me, friend):
And don't forget it.
If you want to read more about the Parenting Pyramid, the Arbinger Institute has many great resources.
Sources:
The Arbinger Institute. 1998. The Parenting Pyramid. The Arbinger Company.
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